A new song

There is a mixed cd out there somewhere with songs from my past. Songs that meant something at one time. I couldn’t tell you what those songs were, if they played I wouldn’t be able to notice, I don’t think. They were songs I danced to, and songs I held hands to, they were love songs.

Today my first love is getting married. I am in deep reflection today. First loves are amateur and awkward, embarrassing even. One thing that was really special though is that we thought we were each others world for only 6 months. We got every relationship moment packed in that short time. It was the most intense I ever felt about my emotions.

The funny thing is that I remember being devastated when we broke up. October 23 was our “anniversary”, and I always thought it was super special because it was Michael Jordan’s number. I was heartbroken for years after our break up, until I would be distracted by some other boys, ex boyfriends. What was that intense feeling I had?

I don’t know if I thought I’d never fall in love again, never be held again, never dance again. Not sure. Why am I in deep reflection? Because I remember a young man, even younger than me, tall and clueless, but he was funny, and caring, and thoughtful. I remember yelling at him and asking him to grow up years later when we both thought back into getting back together. He asked me once to call his girlfriend to explain to her that he’s never loved before and she was the first.

I’m reflecting today because that girl will be his wife by tonight, and that makes me really happy actually. I’m happy because he relied on an old girlfriend to build the confidence up in a new one. He asked me to tell her he loves her. Awkward position for most, but why not? He felt that strongly for her. That’s pretty cool.

He taught me to be patient with love, and nurture it. He taught me that no feeling is too intense. He taught me that when you fall in love, make sure it’s with your bestfriend. She’s a very lucky girl, he was a pretty great boy so I can only imagine he’s a great man.

We haven’t spoken in a few years and that’s okay. We both know we’ve moved on and find happiness in other things.

No one will ever be able to make me forget my first stomach butterflies, or erase my initial thought of love, but someone is showing me a new meaning to it all, and I like the way it’s going. I have a bestfriend, I waited for him, and I am crazy in love with him. He encourages me, and holds my hand, and he likes to dance battle me.

Love is up to interpretation, but I think I have it good. If it weren’t for Ross, I’m not sure what my definition of love would be today. But I am so happy I got to experience it first with him, and I am happy I got a lesson out of those short 6 months filled with love songs. I don’t know how those lyrics disappear, what makes the chords to those songs vanish. Ghostly how it left me. Time for a new song. Cheers to the Bride and Groom! Cheers to your happiness + mine!


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